Hello... like the Adele song

I'm almost afraid to post here after being away for so long. I don't want to change this place that now looks like a scrapbook bursting full of old memories. Man, I used to write so much and so openly with such thorough (somewhat boring?) detail.

I miss this place, or maybe I miss all of the times I wrote here. It's been a long time, getting close to two years.

Should I start fresh?

So much has happened interwebz.....but at the same time so little.

-Melina Rose

Today (an update in list form)

Watched: "The Lakehouse" with my Dad
Ate for Dinner: Chicken Pesto microwave dinner
Drank: Forgot that Starbucks refreshers have caffiene so I drank two....and a shot of esspresso.
Working on: Generally? Getting my room to the way I want it
Texted: New nerd friend, Kenda, Jor and Sheep
Worked: 6 hours with a half hour break for dinner.
Nightmare last night: Yes. 
     Mari, Cheese and Mari's siblings were in it. Something about us trying to escape a hostile takeover involving poison gasses and explosions. We tried hiding in something like a train box-car off wheels with half of it solid wall and half bars.
Weather: Wind advisory was right on. Blizzard conditions because of blowing snow.
Told my parents I love them: Yes. At least 5 times.

Goodnight interwebz,
   Melina Rose

Making me new

So it's a new year. Hello 2014.

    I've been through a lot this past year and I've become a different person through all of it. I've grown through brokenness and lost sight of other things. I've lost people that I thought I would have forever but see them every week. I gained an identity that, admittedly I still falter in confidence of but I am better than I have ever been, even when a day's a struggle. People, pressure, and pet peeves all get to me but under all of that I have a wardrobe in a room that if I go through it, I end up in Narnia.
    I crawl out of the back of my stress (and the stress of the people around me) and breath the fresh air of things I now know. I am a princess, the child of a King. I am loved and never forgotten and somehow, just somehow, worthy of the love I receive. Other people may see a princess differently but I have come to know that they are not helpless or pathetic, stupid or useless. They have a powerful purpose. I might not know exactly what it is but sometimes I can bring other people to my Narnia. I hope they can see that they're royalty too, that they have worth and influence. We all have responsibilities but at least they are being used for something...even if we don't know exactly what that is.

I hope to write more this year interwebz.
Talk to you soon

-Melina Rose

Chasing a Dream

   In this country, we are all about freedom. I would pose a question to you though. What is freedom? We are told that we create ourselves, life is about finding ourselves and our happiness and in a sense this is true.

   True freedom can only come from one place, as much as we delude ourselves, even subconsciously, into believing otherwise.  I'm not saying that Christianity is all happiness and rainbows. What is an adventure without struggle? If you dream of something that you think will make you happy, don't you think that the creator of the world, the universe, can do better? Just as you would have to endure an 11 hour car ride to get somewhere different and exciting, we have to get through discomfort and changing surroundings to get to something new and better.

   John 8:36 
So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. (NIV)

2 Corinthians 3:17 
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. (NIV)

Galatians 5:1 
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. (NIV)

John 8:32 
Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. (NIV)

Stay free interwebz ^_^

Melina Rose

Unsent Tweets

This isn't high-school.
It's not about you.
Work ethic is a thing.
Let's be honest with each other instead of flip-flopping like a dying fish.
Don't read into everything I do.
Ask instead of assuming.

Don't be mad at me for not lying to you.
and for once...return the favor.

It's not me, it's you. Grow up.

Don't take this post personally interwebz. (refer to second sentence)
-Melina Rose

I know who I am without you

but it was a process.

"And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood"

I couldn't figure it out until I heard these lines. I couldn't understand why I even cared but it got me thinking. To those of you who move on quickly: Congrats. I'm glad you have the ability, really, but for those of us who let the veins of our heart reach out to root into another deeply, those now uprooted ends tickle the part of our subconscious that asks us if it ever was true, if it was abandoned so quickly. And behind every smile and laugh there is a distant nagging, poking and prodding of the part of our heart that is still sore from exercising that more rare strenuous love.

"And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you
This is what I have to do"

I'm not mad. I don't think I'm even hurt. These are simply things I've come to realize. The wound has healed but as with any injury, I guess it's still tender in spots. I had never put myself out that far, it's true and I haven't since. I'm not afraid of it; yet I am cautious. The whole thing introduced me to someone I wish I had met long ago. I met myself. There was only One who could ever bring myself and I together and this is just what it took. 

I found myself and I still am finding more pieces along this road. Only One knows how to keep me on the road and where it goes, and that, that is how it should be.

So there it is interwebz. There is a small peek into the inner parts of my heart.

Melina Rose

Lyrics by Missy Higgins [Where I Stood]

Because I didn't have a working pencil

So I went to a different church this morning and it was a refreshing change.
I also managed to bring a pencil that didn't work so this is everything I could keep in my brain to spill out to you.

   I knew that I had started slacking off in the back of my mind but the service really almost shoved it in my face. I know that doesn't sound nice and yeah, it wasn't all happy happy joy joy but it was what I needed.
   God always gives me what I need over what I want.
   I had heard and studied the topic of Jesus as our High Priest before so I wasn't expecting too much out of the sermon/word. That was wrong of me.
   I needed to be reminded exactly what Jesus did for me, that he knows my every thought, motivation and struggle and that He not only understands but He empathizes. Empathy is close to my heart and to hear that God empathizes with me over the things that hurt Him most really struck a chord.
   The pastor ended the word with a challenge. "What are you doing with the access you have to God?" He asked if you'd given up on things like pain that you had tried to forget or addictions that you felt defeated by. It was a quiet kind of powerful and I was reminded once again that it's not about me. That doesn't mean that God doesn't care about me. It means that I can't focus on my weaknesses because doing that means I'm focusing on myself and not the power of the King, what He did for me and what He continues to do.
I continue to struggle with the pain this life brings, the shame of the sin that I keep falling into and the fear of the future and I hadn't even completely realized it. Because of Christ, I don't have to struggle silently. I can bring anything to Him and do it with confidence and not fear because He loves me.


So I guess my challenge to you would be this.
Are you afraid to talk to God because you're too well aware of your shortcomings? Don't be. He longs to hear from you and work in your life. He loves you more than anyone else ever could and He'll never let you down, even if you don't understand what He's doing. Won't you show Him all your love too?


Maybe I'll get back to writing here interwebz

-Melina Rose