My Day Today

This morning I wanted to just get in my truck and keep driving until I wasn't anymore. I felt like I didn't have anything to bring into life. I was discouraged and stressed about my quarter inch thick stack of Japanese homework and the final that I may or may not be taking tonight.
But I wanted to do my duty to the world. I wanted to appear okay. I wanted to keep my mom from crying because I told her she hurt my feelings. I didn't want anything to be my fault, yet I wanted to take care of what I knew was.
So I went to school. I chatted with my friends. I took my Japanese test and got into my truck again. I started driving home but decided to once again stop at the oriental market that I pass everyday that way. I didn't buy my usual banana milk. I didn't even by a coffee drink. I wanted something refreshing, something that would renew any energy I had left. The cool, simple liquid was refreshing and I felt just a tiny bit better.
But I didn't want to go home yet. I knew I needed something to get my head together. My thoughts were entirely too jumbled to accomplish anything quite yet. I found myself in my church parking lot. Maybe I would go for a walk. No, I needed to work on that pile of homework.
"Hey is it okay if I hang out in the sanctuary and just work on homework for a bit?" Our receptionist looked a little confused. "Sure but we leave at four."
I told her not to worry I would make sure to not be there that long and quietly went in. It was almost silent with no distractions. Only the small clinking noises and the sound of quiet movement could be heard from the lady cleaning up from a brunch or something that had taken place earlier.
I got three pages of homework done, consumed two chocolate cake-pops thanks to the lady and organized my entire Japanese folder. My spirits were a little higher.
I began driving home a little after three thirty pm. I still didn't really want to go home but I knew that I still had stuff to do.
But I saw a kid from our youthgroup walking along the side of the road. I knew it was kind of cold out. I knew he wasn't a jerk and I knew he doesn't drive. So I made a quick U-turn and pulled into a side street as he was about to cross. "Do you need a ride?"
"Yeah, that would be great."
So I drove him the opposite way I was going, to his house. He was pretty happy and I managed to keep the conversation going for once. It's not like he had a problem with that either though. He went inside and I headed home.
And it was then that I realized. I felt refreshed. No, it wasn't a magical "Oh, I'm so happy now and I can all these things lalalalala." I just knew somehow that I was stronger and I had been hanging out with my bestie all day long.
So thanks God for hanging out with me. I know you'll never leave me but I kinda feel like I lock myself away from you sometimes without even meaning to.
So, again tomorrow?

-MelinaRose

YouTube. Now with a free slap back to reality.

"People are always talking about how they want to get to know God. You people don’t want to get to know God! God is horrifying! God will screw you up! He will turn everything on its head. He’ll make all your leasts your greatests and your greatests your leasts! He will make you come to grips with the reality that you aren’t in control of anything! ANYTHING! You won’t even be in control of your own spiritual highs. So you out there, you better think twice before you say you want to know God. God might be love, but love is terrifying."

                                                                                                                                    -Jordan/blimeycow

   While the videos on blimeycow's channel tend to be sarcastic, this section of the video entitled "Get to Know God" stood out to me. I actually agree for the most part.

   Being a Christian, getting to know God, having a relationship with Him, isn't all fun and games. It isn't always a happy-go-lucky venture. Being a Christian is more than just doing "Christian things" or being a good person. It's not telling everyone Jesus loves them, or winning theological debates. 

   Being a Christian really is giving up your life for God and letting Him fulfill His plan in your life. That doesn't mean that you have to be miserable, or that you have to go be a missionary in some foreign country. God has a different plan for everyone. That being said, it's His plan and not ours. 

   We naturally want lots of cool stuff, and friends, and to have everything work the way we want it to in life. God can see the bigger picture. While it may not be pleasant now, or what we want, or what we think is good for us, it is what's best, because He's God, and He loves us.

   So yes, He will change your life. He will turn everything you thought you had under control on it's head. Your desires and goals will be completely in His hands. You will have to come to grips with the fact that, by getting to know God, you have to let go of control. Of everything. Because "being a Christian" isn't about us. It's about God.

Isn't love terrifying interwebz?

-Melina Rose

The Heart

There once was a heart. It was cracked, bruised and dry. It was kept in a metal box that sat on one end of a park bench that no one really sat on anymore.

The park was a little ways away from a school and any number of students could have paid attention to it. But they didn’t. They didn’t really give it a second glance as it sat there on its bench. A few had ventured towards it but changed their minds when they saw the large padlock on the front. It wasn’t actually locked, only jammed in a closed kind of position. The truth was that the girl who the heart belonged to didn’t have the key in the first place.

            Everyday she walked by the park on her way home from school and everyday there was someone sitting by her box. She never really noticed or paid attention to it. She didn’t want anyone to know it was her heart.

            Everyday he saw her walking by the park with her friends. They were always laughing and she was always smiling but there was no sparkle in her eyes.

            He had been there the day she had come running into the park, by herself, holding that box. The tears constantly rolled down her cheeks as she made her way. She finally fell to her knees in front of that bench, shoulders shaking from her sobs. He watched with a heavy heart as she opened the box and placed her heart inside it. It was since that day he had sat next to the metal box on the park bench, the quiet beating barely audible.

            One day, he pulled the box onto his lap and inserted a key into the lock. He turned it and heard a faint click as the jammed, partially closed lock fully opened. Setting it aside, he lifted the lid and looked in.

            Tears appeared at the edges of his eyes as he saw the full condition of the heart. It was in rough shape, covered by welts and bruises. Cracks marred the once smooth membrane and it was obvious that it was in desperate need of moisture. As his tears fell, the heart became softer. It was no longer dry, watered by his tears.

            It was at that moment that two feet appeared in front of him. He lifted his head to meet the girl’s slightly suspicious but vulnerable gaze.

            “May I take care of it?” he asked, gesturing to the heart in his lap.

            “Will you actually?” she replied, not trusting him.

            “I have been all along.” He returned her searching stare with one that radiated warmth and she slowly sat down next to him. Carefully, he set the box on her lap. “Why don’t you take it out?”

            The girl’s shoulders drooped slightly and hung her head before sitting up straight like she had forgotten she wasn’t allowed weakness and then was prodded back into resolute pain. “It’s safe there. Nothing can get in and hurt it.” She avoided eye contact, looking in the opposite direction.

            He smiled sadly and placed his hand gently over her small, cold one. She looked back, feeling the warmth envelop it.

            “Keeping your heart in this box only hurts it more. It won’t heal unless you take it out.”

            The girl tried to look away as she felt tears spring to her eyes but couldn’t. There was such warmth and kindness, true love, in his eyes.

            “Why isn’t it in there?” He pointed to her chest where it should have been.

            “It’s defective. It betrayed me.” Her voice cracked. “It isn’t to be trusted.” she whispered to no one in particular.

            “I can teach it. I can teach it to do the right things if you’ll let me.”

Steadfast

I will not say "Do not weep", for not all tears are an evil.
-Gandalf

And with that opening quote I will share with you a poem I wrote yesterday about an experience of mine. :)
It is to/about my daddy.


Steadfast

Steady heartbeat

Steady breath

My tears on your shirt

as I lean on your chest

I know you love me

and I love you

I feel safe

When I'm with you

 

-Melina Rose

I know I'm broken but You alone can mend this heart of mine.

 

I call, You hear me 
I've lost it all 
And it's more than I can bear 
I feel so empty

You're strong, I'm weary 
I'm holding on 
But I feel like giving in 
But still You're with me

[chorus] 
And even though I'm walking 
Through the valley of the shadow 
I will hold tight to the hand of Him 
Whose love will comfort me 
And when all hope is gone 
And I've been wounded in the battle 
He is all the strength that I will ever need 
He will carry me

I know I'm broken 
But You alone 
Can mend this heart of mine 
You're always with me

[chorus] 
And even though I'm walking 
Through the valley of the shadow 
I will hold tight to the hand of Him 
Whose love will comfort me 
And when all hope is gone 
And I've been wounded in the battle 
He is all the strength that I will ever need 
He will carry me 
He will carry me

And even though I feel so lonely 
Like I have never been before 
You never said it would be easy 
But You said You'd see me through the storm

[chorus] 
And even though I'm walking 
Through the valley of the shadow 
I will hold tight to the hand of Him 
Whose love will comfort me 
And when all hope is gone 
And I've been wounded in my battle 
He is all the strength that I will ever need 
He will carry me 
He will carry me 
He will carry me

All I want is a hug....but please don't touch me.

 
I'm really sick of society shoving sex in my face.
I don't want to be thought of as an object and all I see is guys that view girls that way. I think I'm losing hope in humanity. I mean, I know there are good people out there, ones that are respectful and actually care about you instead of what you look like. But...
What happened to respect?
I'm sad that the norm seems to be that it's okay, even encouraged, to make dirty/offensive/invasive remarks to people and then that person is just expected to laugh or respond in the same way. People think you can't take a joke, or you're no fun, or you're "weird" if you don't.
Why can't people love anymore? Like really love.
Where are the ones that can?

Image by: Defies

Angry Blogger is Angry

• General Idea of this post:
  Don't write dumb stuff on people's statuss that could make them feel bad and is negative.
• No matter who it is you don't know where that person is at and how it will affect them.
  Okay....so my facebook status was just "Bored." One of my friends commented she was bored too yeah blah blah blah. About an hour later someone comments on my status that only boring people get bored according to so and so. I was rather surprised at this passive aggressive insult and simply responded with ":o"
  
  
  Now, I may have a history with this woman's daughter but this woman is also a family friend. I really wasn't expecting this to come from her as I have always seen her as a kind person. 
  Not exactly helping my "trust no one" mentality...
  Soooooo here are some various quotes on kindness:
  Never look down on anybody unless you're helping him up.
  It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice. ~Author Unknown
  Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you - not because they are nice, but because you are. ~Author Unknown
  If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion. ~Dalai Lama
  Never miss an opportunity to make others happy, even if you have to leave them alone in order to do it. ~Author Unknown
  Kindness is in our power, even when fondness is not. ~Samuel Johnson
  When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people. ~Abraham Joshua Heschel
  and finally what I set my status to:
  You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson  
  
  
  
  I don't like confrontation and there was no reason for one so I just picked the quote I thought least direct. I did become rather upset when I realized that this person had insulted my friend in the process of insulting me. 
  
  If you are going to insult me that is fine. Go ahead. 
  Don't you ever insult my friends. 
  *anger*
  
  
  Oh, interwebz, how lovely this life is is it not?
  
  -Melina Rose