Showing posts with label Change. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Change. Show all posts

Friday, April 27, 2012

Making my life begin

Hello bloggers,
So lately I've had quite a few thoughts rolling around in my head. Along with the stress of being sick and getting behind in school and not being able to work two of my work shifts, I've been wondering what I'm going to do with my life. So I talked with my mom this morning kind of expressing my frustrations and such and she directed me back to my beloved task of making lists.
Here is a list of general goals.
  • Research becoming a Sushi Chef to see if I really want to do it
    • Classes
      • Where
      • How much
      • When
      • How long
    •  How much does being a sushi chef pay?
    •  Where would I work?
    • What kind of hours does a sushi chef work and would I be able to do that?
      • What would I have to give up to be a sushi chef?
      • What would I give up to be a sushi chef?
  • Apply for every stinking coffee shop and restaurant around here to try to get some kind of response
  • Go to bed at midnight and don't touch my computer midnight and after
  • Get caught up on schoolwork
  • Eat three meals a day (preferably healthy)
These probably seem incredibly basic and pathetic that I have some of these on here but, you know what, this is my life. Get over it. I'm sure trying to...
So a general overview of my goals? Pull my life together so I can do something with it, preferably starting before the internship this summer.

What do you think interwebz?
-Melina Rose

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

YouTube. Now with a free slap back to reality.


"People are always talking about how they want to get to know God. You people don’t want to get to know God! God is horrifying! God will screw you up! He will turn everything on its head. He’ll make all your leasts your greatests and your greatests your leasts! He will make you come to grips with the reality that you aren’t in control of anything! ANYTHING! You won’t even be in control of your own spiritual highs. So you out there, you better think twice before you say you want to know God. God might be love, but love is terrifying."
                                                                                                                                    -Jordan/blimeycow

   While the videos on blimeycow's channel tend to be sarcastic, this section of the video entitled "Get to Know God" stood out to me. I actually agree for the most part.
   Being a Christian, getting to know God, having a relationship with Him, isn't all fun and games. It isn't always a happy-go-lucky venture. Being a Christian is more than just doing "Christian things" or being a good person. It's not telling everyone Jesus loves them, or winning theological debates. 
   Being a Christian really is giving up your life for God and letting Him fulfill His plan in your life. That doesn't mean that you have to be miserable, or that you have to go be a missionary in some foreign country. God has a different plan for everyone. That being said, it's His plan and not ours. 
   We naturally want lots of cool stuff, and friends, and to have everything work the way we want it to in life. God can see the bigger picture. While it may not be pleasant now, or what we want, or what we think is good for us, it is what's best, because He's God, and He loves us.
   So yes, He will change your life. He will turn everything you thought you had under control on it's head. Your desires and goals will be completely in His hands. You will have to come to grips with the fact that, by getting to know God, you have to let go of control. Of everything. Because "being a Christian" isn't about us. It's about God.

Isn't love terrifying interwebz?
-Melina Rose

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

The Heart


There once was a heart. It was cracked, bruised and dry. It was kept in a metal box that sat on one end of a park bench that no one really sat on anymore.
The park was a little ways away from a school and any number of students could have paid attention to it. But they didn’t. They didn’t really give it a second glance as it sat there on its bench. A few had ventured towards it but changed their minds when they saw the large padlock on the front. It wasn’t actually locked, only jammed in a closed kind of position. The truth was that the girl who the heart belonged to didn’t have the key in the first place.
            Everyday she walked by the park on her way home from school and everyday there was someone sitting by her box. She never really noticed or paid attention to it. She didn’t want anyone to know it was her heart.
            Everyday he saw her walking by the park with her friends. They were always laughing and she was always smiling but there was no sparkle in her eyes.
            He had been there the day she had come running into the park, by herself, holding that box. The tears constantly rolled down her cheeks as she made her way. She finally fell to her knees in front of that bench, shoulders shaking from her sobs. He watched with a heavy heart as she opened the box and placed her heart inside it. It was since that day he had sat next to the metal box on the park bench, the quiet beating barely audible.
            One day, he pulled the box onto his lap and inserted a key into the lock. He turned it and heard a faint click as the jammed, partially closed lock fully opened. Setting it aside, he lifted the lid and looked in.
            Tears appeared at the edges of his eyes as he saw the full condition of the heart. It was in rough shape, covered by welts and bruises. Cracks marred the once smooth membrane and it was obvious that it was in desperate need of moisture. As his tears fell, the heart became softer. It was no longer dry, watered by his tears.
            It was at that moment that two feet appeared in front of him. He lifted his head to meet the girl’s slightly suspicious but vulnerable gaze.
            “May I take care of it?” he asked, gesturing to the heart in his lap.
            “Will you actually?” she replied, not trusting him.
            “I have been all along.” He returned her searching stare with one that radiated warmth and she slowly sat down next to him. Carefully, he set the box on her lap. “Why don’t you take it out?”
            The girl’s shoulders drooped slightly and hung her head before sitting up straight like she had forgotten she wasn’t allowed weakness and then was prodded back into resolute pain. “It’s safe there. Nothing can get in and hurt it.” She avoided eye contact, looking in the opposite direction.
            He smiled sadly and placed his hand gently over her small, cold one. She looked back, feeling the warmth envelop it.
            “Keeping your heart in this box only hurts it more. It won’t heal unless you take it out.”
            The girl tried to look away as she felt tears spring to her eyes but couldn’t. There was such warmth and kindness, true love, in his eyes.
            “Why isn’t it in there?” He pointed to her chest where it should have been.
            “It’s defective. It betrayed me.” Her voice cracked. “It isn’t to be trusted.” she whispered to no one in particular.
            “I can teach it. I can teach it to do the right things if you’ll let me.”

Saturday, October 29, 2011

I know I'm broken but You alone can mend this heart of mine.

 
I call, You hear me 
I've lost it all 
And it's more than I can bear 
I feel so empty

You're strong, I'm weary 
I'm holding on 
But I feel like giving in 
But still You're with me

[chorus] 
And even though I'm walking 
Through the valley of the shadow 
I will hold tight to the hand of Him 
Whose love will comfort me 
And when all hope is gone 
And I've been wounded in the battle 
He is all the strength that I will ever need 
He will carry me

I know I'm broken 
But You alone 
Can mend this heart of mine 
You're always with me

[chorus] 
And even though I'm walking 
Through the valley of the shadow 
I will hold tight to the hand of Him 
Whose love will comfort me 
And when all hope is gone 
And I've been wounded in the battle 
He is all the strength that I will ever need 
He will carry me 
He will carry me

And even though I feel so lonely 
Like I have never been before 
You never said it would be easy 
But You said You'd see me through the storm

[chorus] 
And even though I'm walking 
Through the valley of the shadow 
I will hold tight to the hand of Him 
Whose love will comfort me 
And when all hope is gone 
And I've been wounded in my battle 
He is all the strength that I will ever need 
He will carry me 
He will carry me 
He will carry me


All I want is a hug....but please don't touch me.

 
I'm really sick of society shoving sex in my face.
I don't want to be thought of as an object and all I see is guys that view girls that way. I think I'm losing hope in humanity. I mean, I know there are good people out there, ones that are respectful and actually care about you instead of what you look like. But...
What happened to respect?
I'm sad that the norm seems to be that it's okay, even encouraged, to make dirty/offensive/invasive remarks to people and then that person is just expected to laugh or respond in the same way. People think you can't take a joke, or you're no fun, or you're "weird" if you don't.
Why can't people love anymore? Like really love.
Where are the ones that can?

Image by: Defies

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Someday

Someday, in my made up future, I will wake up to the birds singing and the sunlight streaming through my window. Smiling, I will slip out from between my covers and stretch, fingers towards the ceiling, before walking into the kitchen. I will make myself a delicious, healthy, breakfast and eat it outside in the morning air. After putting the dishes away, getting dressed and pulling my hair back, I will go and sit down at my deep, black, grand piano and let all of my thoughts and feelings flow out of my fingertips until they echo in the air.
Maybe I will laugh, a smile on my face. Maybe I will cry, tears escaping with each note.
And after I'm done, and there is nothing left to be said, I will close that gorgeous piano back up. I will close the doors to the room where the emotions still hover thick in the air, and I will step into the breathtaking sunshine. Eyes closed, I will listen, waiting for your response.

-Melina Rose

Monday, May 16, 2011

The Green Malt Machine

Saturday was my last day of work in MN and Tortuga and I hung out after. We got some Taco Bell and then went to her house where I talked to Tallkid on the comp for a bit and we watched Criminal minds and CSI. I went home around 3am. (Tortuga lives a few blocks from me)


Today (Sunday) I was up around 9 something. I wanted to wear my cookie monster shirt so I paired it with my black pencil skirt and heels. I grabbed a cup of coffee and headed off to church with my Daddy. Since I am leaving here so soon, I sat with Bree and Christal. Someone from the college I eventually want to go to actually was the one who gave the word/sermon today! It was good. I have notes if ya want them :P
After church, my parents took me out to eat at Red Lobster to celebrate me getting my associates degree. I'm actually the first person in my immediate family to get a degree! The biscuits were fresh and absolutely amazingly delicious. I got shrimp scampi, salmon, and snow crab legs too! Mmmm. So good. :D
After lunch we went back home. Mom sang this morning at church so we had to drop her off at church to get the car she drove. Dad blasted music on the way back with the windows down and it made me smile. I will miss my parents a lot.
I was completely wiped out so when we got home I just went upstairs and climbed into bed. I didn't sleep but I didn't do anything that required me to think or move really which was nice. I watched My Princess which is a (good so far) Korean drama that I started a while ago. After a while, my momma came into my room and asked me if I wanted to go for a walk. It was pretty windy outside but sunny so overall I think it was nice.
It was a really nice walk. We got to talk about stuff that we used to before I was constantly rushing around and stressed; what we are thinking about a lot, boys, life, lots of stuff like that. I can't say how nice that walk was. I don't think I was smiling very much but sometimes you don't need to smile for something to be good.
After we got back, I got ready to go to a friends house. My small group from church was meeting to have a delectable encounter with the green monster aka an awesome old-school malt machine. It was great and I was glad that I could see some people before I leave. I left the party around 9pm since I was zoning out and no one was really talking to me and I just was tired. I said goodbye and went home. My parents were watching a movie on tv and invited me to join them but it was already part-way into it and I didn't really feel like it.
After a bit, my mom came up and asked if I wanted to watch a dvd. I said of course and we selected Ever After with Drew Barrymore in it. The movie finished around 12am and so I drank a couple glasses of water and brought some apples and honey upstairs with me to my room. Hopped on the computer and talked to Tallkid a bit as well as Sephre. I'm excited to see her! We planned out birthday stuff and talked about pandas and tablets and gothic lolita fashion that we both desperately want to buy. She went to bed around 1am and I guess I have been writing this post since then.
I plan to pack, clean, and hang out with a few friends later today (Monday)

Night night interwebz

-Melina Rose

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Just quick before I sleep

I came home and started crying as soon as I hit the couch. Pure exhaustion and rampant emotions. The good stuff ya know. lol My daddy made me a roast beef sandwich and then I sat listlessly on the couch after eating a small bowl of chips. I have internet on my phone so I just kind of sat and stared at the online friends list on facebook for a bit until someone I felt like talking to came online. It happened to be my new friend Tallkid. I'm pretty sure that I have talked to him more than most people I talk to online. The only exception I can think of would be Lysa. Anyway, he managed to distract me from my stress with lol cats :) A very good thing this is considering at the beginning of this post I was in tears and I am currently in an excellent mood and about to go to bed. Sephre got online after a bit as well and we talked about this summer. I'm so excited to move in with her!! She has a job lined up for me already and another that is almost definitely mine. I move on the 19th! Big change! I'm looking forward to seeing her ^_^
Okay well sleep now so that I can resume my stress until you pass out week :)

Night night interwebz!

-Melina Rose

Sunday, December 12, 2010

I'm back now and the world smells like chocolate chip cookies

Good evening!
Today I had to get up early because Mom was singing on our church worship team.  My dad didn't want to make her drive in the snow so we all took the same car.  We left at 8:10am.  The drive there wasn't to bad.  We did slide around a lot and we did see a SUV stuck in the opening of a side street.  There was about one and a half feet of snow around its tires.
Church was good and most of the kids for the Christmas play were able to show up and so they didn't cancel it.  It was a repeat of one that I had been in over ten years ago!  I was sitting next to one of my friends who had been in it with me and we sang almost all of the songs. It was fun. :)
After church we went out to a favorite buffet of mine.  Yum :D
We went home and i was nodding off writing the beginning of this post so I went to take a nap.  I slept until 6pm and then went downstairs to get back on the computer.
I resumed talking with Lysa and began talking with Bob.  I miss Sephre a lot.  It hasn't been that she has been gone for a long time really.  I am just so used to talking to her everyday now! Maybe she will be back online tomorrow.  Ah! she updated her status!...........but isn't online.  *is sad*
I am currently in a terrible mood.  Thinking about way to many things at once.  Relationships, timing, school, people, stuff..............
I have a headache.
We watched sound of music and ate turkey and yams with apples and cookies with milk tonight.  It was nice.


I wanted to put my fortunes from my fortune cookies up but I can't find them.... hopefully later.

Goodnight interwebz.....I wish you could give me a hug.

-Melina Rose

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Just a sigh

Just a sigh
Missing old times
Times of code names
And exploding smiles
No i'm not saying
That everything has changed
I just wish
That some things were the same