Making my life begin

Hello bloggers,
So lately I've had quite a few thoughts rolling around in my head. Along with the stress of being sick and getting behind in school and not being able to work two of my work shifts, I've been wondering what I'm going to do with my life. So I talked with my mom this morning kind of expressing my frustrations and such and she directed me back to my beloved task of making lists.
Here is a list of general goals.

• Research becoming a Sushi Chef to see if I really want to do it
• Classes
• Where
• How much
• When
• How long
•  How much does being a sushi chef pay?
•  Where would I work?
• What kind of hours does a sushi chef work and would I be able to do that?
• What would I have to give up to be a sushi chef?
• What would I give up to be a sushi chef?
• Apply for every stinking coffee shop and restaurant around here to try to get some kind of response
• Go to bed at midnight and don't touch my computer midnight and after
• Get caught up on schoolwork
• Eat three meals a day (preferably healthy)

These probably seem incredibly basic and pathetic that I have some of these on here but, you know what, this is my life. Get over it. I'm sure trying to...
So a general overview of my goals? Pull my life together so I can do something with it, preferably starting before the internship this summer.

What do you think interwebz?
-Melina Rose

My Day Today

This morning I wanted to just get in my truck and keep driving until I wasn't anymore. I felt like I didn't have anything to bring into life. I was discouraged and stressed about my quarter inch thick stack of Japanese homework and the final that I may or may not be taking tonight.
But I wanted to do my duty to the world. I wanted to appear okay. I wanted to keep my mom from crying because I told her she hurt my feelings. I didn't want anything to be my fault, yet I wanted to take care of what I knew was.
So I went to school. I chatted with my friends. I took my Japanese test and got into my truck again. I started driving home but decided to once again stop at the oriental market that I pass everyday that way. I didn't buy my usual banana milk. I didn't even by a coffee drink. I wanted something refreshing, something that would renew any energy I had left. The cool, simple liquid was refreshing and I felt just a tiny bit better.
But I didn't want to go home yet. I knew I needed something to get my head together. My thoughts were entirely too jumbled to accomplish anything quite yet. I found myself in my church parking lot. Maybe I would go for a walk. No, I needed to work on that pile of homework.
"Hey is it okay if I hang out in the sanctuary and just work on homework for a bit?" Our receptionist looked a little confused. "Sure but we leave at four."
I told her not to worry I would make sure to not be there that long and quietly went in. It was almost silent with no distractions. Only the small clinking noises and the sound of quiet movement could be heard from the lady cleaning up from a brunch or something that had taken place earlier.
I got three pages of homework done, consumed two chocolate cake-pops thanks to the lady and organized my entire Japanese folder. My spirits were a little higher.
I began driving home a little after three thirty pm. I still didn't really want to go home but I knew that I still had stuff to do.
But I saw a kid from our youthgroup walking along the side of the road. I knew it was kind of cold out. I knew he wasn't a jerk and I knew he doesn't drive. So I made a quick U-turn and pulled into a side street as he was about to cross. "Do you need a ride?"
"Yeah, that would be great."
So I drove him the opposite way I was going, to his house. He was pretty happy and I managed to keep the conversation going for once. It's not like he had a problem with that either though. He went inside and I headed home.
And it was then that I realized. I felt refreshed. No, it wasn't a magical "Oh, I'm so happy now and I can all these things lalalalala." I just knew somehow that I was stronger and I had been hanging out with my bestie all day long.
So thanks God for hanging out with me. I know you'll never leave me but I kinda feel like I lock myself away from you sometimes without even meaning to.
So, again tomorrow?

-MelinaRose

The Massive To-Do List

Cleaning

• Room
• Put away clothes on floor
• Put away dishes
• Put away clothes on chair
• Put away clothes in bin
• Put away clothes in basket
• Make bed
• Wash sheets
• Do a load of laundry
• Shower
• Bathroom
• Put away clothes
• Clear counter
• Clean mirror
• Clean sink
• Clean counter
• Clean toilet
• Clean floor
• Clean rugs
• Gather stuff from around house and put it away

School

• Japanese
• Finish homework sheet
• Do new homework sheet
• Study Katakana
• Study for lesson test
• Do topic study homework sheet
• Genesis
• Get up to date on study questions
• Transfer 6 pages of notes
• Catch up on journaling (will take at least an hour)
• Take quiz

Misc.

• Exercise
• Eat a snack
• Update Main blog (this one)
• Update Secondary blog ( http://makeithappenasap.blogspot.com/ )
• Check Dashboard
• Apply for Coffeeshop #1
• Apply for Coffeeshop #2

accomplished/done/completed
will do a different day
 

YouTube. Now with a free slap back to reality.

"People are always talking about how they want to get to know God. You people don’t want to get to know God! God is horrifying! God will screw you up! He will turn everything on its head. He’ll make all your leasts your greatests and your greatests your leasts! He will make you come to grips with the reality that you aren’t in control of anything! ANYTHING! You won’t even be in control of your own spiritual highs. So you out there, you better think twice before you say you want to know God. God might be love, but love is terrifying."

                                                                                                                                    -Jordan/blimeycow

   While the videos on blimeycow's channel tend to be sarcastic, this section of the video entitled "Get to Know God" stood out to me. I actually agree for the most part.

   Being a Christian, getting to know God, having a relationship with Him, isn't all fun and games. It isn't always a happy-go-lucky venture. Being a Christian is more than just doing "Christian things" or being a good person. It's not telling everyone Jesus loves them, or winning theological debates. 

   Being a Christian really is giving up your life for God and letting Him fulfill His plan in your life. That doesn't mean that you have to be miserable, or that you have to go be a missionary in some foreign country. God has a different plan for everyone. That being said, it's His plan and not ours. 

   We naturally want lots of cool stuff, and friends, and to have everything work the way we want it to in life. God can see the bigger picture. While it may not be pleasant now, or what we want, or what we think is good for us, it is what's best, because He's God, and He loves us.

   So yes, He will change your life. He will turn everything you thought you had under control on it's head. Your desires and goals will be completely in His hands. You will have to come to grips with the fact that, by getting to know God, you have to let go of control. Of everything. Because "being a Christian" isn't about us. It's about God.

Isn't love terrifying interwebz?

-Melina Rose

When in the course of human events it becomes necessary...

Independence day is coming up soon and after church tonight, it has me thinking about fighting for what we believe in.

When we see something not right do we fight against it? Do we stand up for what we believe in? Do we try to encourage the ones who are struggling?

This world has many things wrong in it and younger people today don't even realize it. They have it taught to them at a young age what our culture expects from them and what is "normal".
I have been reading on this site where people write anonymous letters to their crushes and some are really heartbreaking. Some are beautiful. Some are twisted.
There was one entry that really caught my eye though and I'm going to put it here.

I feel like the whole world is pressuring me into having my first relationship and falling in love and having sex and yet I am not interested in anyone and no one is interested in me so here I sit feeling dull and inadequate all because love and sex is all anyone can talk about and I'm sick of it because I can't empathize with any of it and no one can empathize with me.

I have always found it rather obvious that our culture focuses on this. I mean, you turn on the tv and it isn't even the shows you have to watch out for. The commercials are filled with it. Those subtle voices screaming at you, "Buy this and be beautiful." "If you look this way people will love you." "You need this product for people to accept you." The message off so many of these commercials are "If no one is coming on to you then you are worthless."
It really breaks my heart to see girls just 15 years old saying things like "I've never kissed anyone. Something must be wrong with me." NO!
You are beautiful! You are precious! You are favored by the King and someone will always love you.

Don't let this world tell you differently.

With love to all of you beautiful people out there (YES! YOU!)

-Melina Rose

Someday

Someday, in my made up future, I will wake up to the birds singing and the sunlight streaming through my window. Smiling, I will slip out from between my covers and stretch, fingers towards the ceiling, before walking into the kitchen. I will make myself a delicious, healthy, breakfast and eat it outside in the morning air. After putting the dishes away, getting dressed and pulling my hair back, I will go and sit down at my deep, black, grand piano and let all of my thoughts and feelings flow out of my fingertips until they echo in the air.
Maybe I will laugh, a smile on my face. Maybe I will cry, tears escaping with each note.
And after I'm done, and there is nothing left to be said, I will close that gorgeous piano back up. I will close the doors to the room where the emotions still hover thick in the air, and I will step into the breathtaking sunshine. Eyes closed, I will listen, waiting for your response.

-Melina Rose

Dear Betsy, (an entry in my diary)

March 20, 2011                                                                                                              12:08am-12:20am

Dear Betsy,
I'm sorry it has been so long since I have written, almost a year! I am 19.5 now. 5'7", 126.5 lbs and my hair (when straightened) is around an inch from ending in the middle of my lower back.

I am still going to (insert school here) through not for much longer. If I don't goof this up, I graduate in May with an associates in Graphic Design Technology.

This is not exactly why I am writing to you though. You see, I have been running. Not because I thought it would help; I knew it wouldn't, but because I was scared, terrified actually. When I graduate, and even before, I have a lot of foreign things to deal with. Interviews, Portfolio shows, deciding how I am going to accomplish my goals in life, all of these things just start crushing down on me and I feel like it is hopeless and it would be easier to give up. In reality, I know it isn't. It only would make it harder. So here goes nothing?

In the wise words of a fish:
Just keep swimming. :)

Night Betsy :)

Goals for daily life

I was talking to Sephre and we decided we need to get our act together. Stop letting ourselves waste our energy and make an effort to improve. So here are my goals. These are the things I need to do.

1. Go to bed by 12
2. Get up by 8 even if I don't have a class
3. Eat three meals a day (not all at once). This has to be real food not junk food and it has to be balanced.
4. Exercise every day and get a good workout.
5. Drink at least 8 glasses of water a day (hopefully more) and cut down on my sugar intake.
6. Read my Bible every day.
7. Once I get all of my stuff organized, keep it that way.

A more general goal would be to get my homework done before doing anything fun. 

Fighitng interwebz!

-Melina Rose

Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being, and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.  ~World Health Organization, 1948

In order to change we must be sick and tired of being sick and tired.  ~Author Unknown

This is not about a party.

I didn't mean to lie....lol

Yesterday
I had school. I came home telling myself I needed to get a lot done and got nothing done. I went and picked up Mnonaa and we went to youth group. Our youth pastor is sick with the stomach flu and so there was no worship practice on Tuesday. We parked in the parking lot and before going in exchanged our much delayed Christmas presents. I now own a Korean language book! Yay! We went inside and i sat down at the piano and played some songs while singing. A few other people joined in before we all went to eat the mashed potato bar. After dinner we all listened to Lysas dad talk about the missions trip to Arizona. Mnonaa seemed like she wanted to go. I wish I had enough money to do something like that again. It is no longer safe to go to Mexico on missions trips. I hope that the friends that I had made while there are doing well.
After church we went back to my house and made some green tea with honey in it. I don't have a real thermos so we just put it in my metal water bottle and put that in a clean sock. Clean. The bottle was to hot to hold otherwise. I grabbed the short version of my story off of the computer and we headed to her house. She grabbed her small tea cups and I poured the tea into them. We have no self control when it comes to drinking tea slowly and it was gone in a matter of minutes. I noticed that it was very close to 11 and told Mnonaa that I had to leave soon. We sat down on the couch and she read my shortened version of the story that I am itching to work on.  After she finished reading it I gave her the link to this blog. *waves to her* hiiiiii. lol I got home after 11 and so I get no kpop today. Sad face. Lysa and I made an agreement that to motivate ourselves to get to bed at a decent hour (11) the consequence if we didn't make it would be no kpop the next day. Bummer for me.

I get to work on the story again starting tomorrow interwebz. I can't wait.

-Melina Rose

Accomplish something every day of your life. -Walter Annenberg

A set definite objective must be established if we are to accomplish anything in a big way.
John McDonald

A winner is someone who recognizes his God-given talents, works his tail off to develop them into skills, and uses these skills to accomplish his goals.
Larry Bird

An invincible determination can accomplish almost anything and in this lies the great distinction between great men and little men.
Thomas Fuller

Avoiding the phrase "I don't have time...", will soon help you to realize that you do have the time needed for just about anything you choose to accomplish in life.
Bo Bennett

With that I shall get down to my homework interwebz
Fighting!

-Melina Rose

Winter "Break"

Ayo
So I know I haven't posted in a few days but really not to much has been happening. I have been attempting to get myself to do my homework, hanging out with friends that are back in town, lazing around the computer and random other stuff.
I just got back a grade on an assignment I turned in and I got an A on my symphony poster! Yay!
I turned in my Editorial design as well and should get a good grade on it as well. That checks off two out of my list of eight. Now, I know that sounds steep but only two out of those remaining six are large projects. I hope to finish quite a few today. It really stinks having to think about school while you are break as well. Extended classes are no fun.
I have found that the older you get the less your "breaks" are actually breaks. If I didn't have my extended class I would be working. Yes, you still get to have fun but it seems like you can't truly relax. I start school again the eleventh and honestly, I'm kind of terrified. If everything goes according to plan I'm graduating next semester. Now most people who hear this say "Aren't you excited? Have you applied for any jobs yet? What are you going to do?" This takes me back to graduating high school and the never ending questions of so what are you doing after high school? What college are you going to? What are you majoring in? *sigh*
Anyway, I'm not truly excited to graduate because with graduation comes pressure and responsibility. Pressure to immediately find a "real" job and responsibility to fulfill peoples expectations. What if I don't want to find a job in graphic design? If I had enough money I would want to go back to school for English! But there is that endless circle. You  need money to go to school, so you can get a job, to get money. Kind of stinks.
Well, I better get back to school.

What endless circles do you have interwebz?

-Melina Rose

Do I dare to dream?

Do I dare to dream? by MeWhoElse featuring white jewelry