Showing posts with label Learning. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Learning. Show all posts

Friday, April 27, 2012

Making my life begin

Hello bloggers,
So lately I've had quite a few thoughts rolling around in my head. Along with the stress of being sick and getting behind in school and not being able to work two of my work shifts, I've been wondering what I'm going to do with my life. So I talked with my mom this morning kind of expressing my frustrations and such and she directed me back to my beloved task of making lists.
Here is a list of general goals.
  • Research becoming a Sushi Chef to see if I really want to do it
    • Classes
      • Where
      • How much
      • When
      • How long
    •  How much does being a sushi chef pay?
    •  Where would I work?
    • What kind of hours does a sushi chef work and would I be able to do that?
      • What would I have to give up to be a sushi chef?
      • What would I give up to be a sushi chef?
  • Apply for every stinking coffee shop and restaurant around here to try to get some kind of response
  • Go to bed at midnight and don't touch my computer midnight and after
  • Get caught up on schoolwork
  • Eat three meals a day (preferably healthy)
These probably seem incredibly basic and pathetic that I have some of these on here but, you know what, this is my life. Get over it. I'm sure trying to...
So a general overview of my goals? Pull my life together so I can do something with it, preferably starting before the internship this summer.

What do you think interwebz?
-Melina Rose

Monday, April 9, 2012

My Day Today

This morning I wanted to just get in my truck and keep driving until I wasn't anymore. I felt like I didn't have anything to bring into life. I was discouraged and stressed about my quarter inch thick stack of Japanese homework and the final that I may or may not be taking tonight.
But I wanted to do my duty to the world. I wanted to appear okay. I wanted to keep my mom from crying because I told her she hurt my feelings. I didn't want anything to be my fault, yet I wanted to take care of what I knew was.
So I went to school. I chatted with my friends. I took my Japanese test and got into my truck again. I started driving home but decided to once again stop at the oriental market that I pass everyday that way. I didn't buy my usual banana milk. I didn't even by a coffee drink. I wanted something refreshing, something that would renew any energy I had left. The cool, simple liquid was refreshing and I felt just a tiny bit better.
But I didn't want to go home yet. I knew I needed something to get my head together. My thoughts were entirely too jumbled to accomplish anything quite yet. I found myself in my church parking lot. Maybe I would go for a walk. No, I needed to work on that pile of homework.
"Hey is it okay if I hang out in the sanctuary and just work on homework for a bit?" Our receptionist looked a little confused. "Sure but we leave at four."
I told her not to worry I would make sure to not be there that long and quietly went in. It was almost silent with no distractions. Only the small clinking noises and the sound of quiet movement could be heard from the lady cleaning up from a brunch or something that had taken place earlier.
I got three pages of homework done, consumed two chocolate cake-pops thanks to the lady and organized my entire Japanese folder. My spirits were a little higher.
I began driving home a little after three thirty pm. I still didn't really want to go home but I knew that I still had stuff to do.
But I saw a kid from our youthgroup walking along the side of the road. I knew it was kind of cold out. I knew he wasn't a jerk and I knew he doesn't drive. So I made a quick U-turn and pulled into a side street as he was about to cross. "Do you need a ride?"
"Yeah, that would be great."
So I drove him the opposite way I was going, to his house. He was pretty happy and I managed to keep the conversation going for once. It's not like he had a problem with that either though. He went inside and I headed home.
And it was then that I realized. I felt refreshed. No, it wasn't a magical "Oh, I'm so happy now and I can all these things lalalalala." I just knew somehow that I was stronger and I had been hanging out with my bestie all day long.
So thanks God for hanging out with me. I know you'll never leave me but I kinda feel like I lock myself away from you sometimes without even meaning to.
So, again tomorrow?

-MelinaRose

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

YouTube. Now with a free slap back to reality.


"People are always talking about how they want to get to know God. You people don’t want to get to know God! God is horrifying! God will screw you up! He will turn everything on its head. He’ll make all your leasts your greatests and your greatests your leasts! He will make you come to grips with the reality that you aren’t in control of anything! ANYTHING! You won’t even be in control of your own spiritual highs. So you out there, you better think twice before you say you want to know God. God might be love, but love is terrifying."
                                                                                                                                    -Jordan/blimeycow

   While the videos on blimeycow's channel tend to be sarcastic, this section of the video entitled "Get to Know God" stood out to me. I actually agree for the most part.
   Being a Christian, getting to know God, having a relationship with Him, isn't all fun and games. It isn't always a happy-go-lucky venture. Being a Christian is more than just doing "Christian things" or being a good person. It's not telling everyone Jesus loves them, or winning theological debates. 
   Being a Christian really is giving up your life for God and letting Him fulfill His plan in your life. That doesn't mean that you have to be miserable, or that you have to go be a missionary in some foreign country. God has a different plan for everyone. That being said, it's His plan and not ours. 
   We naturally want lots of cool stuff, and friends, and to have everything work the way we want it to in life. God can see the bigger picture. While it may not be pleasant now, or what we want, or what we think is good for us, it is what's best, because He's God, and He loves us.
   So yes, He will change your life. He will turn everything you thought you had under control on it's head. Your desires and goals will be completely in His hands. You will have to come to grips with the fact that, by getting to know God, you have to let go of control. Of everything. Because "being a Christian" isn't about us. It's about God.

Isn't love terrifying interwebz?
-Melina Rose

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

The Heart


There once was a heart. It was cracked, bruised and dry. It was kept in a metal box that sat on one end of a park bench that no one really sat on anymore.
The park was a little ways away from a school and any number of students could have paid attention to it. But they didn’t. They didn’t really give it a second glance as it sat there on its bench. A few had ventured towards it but changed their minds when they saw the large padlock on the front. It wasn’t actually locked, only jammed in a closed kind of position. The truth was that the girl who the heart belonged to didn’t have the key in the first place.
            Everyday she walked by the park on her way home from school and everyday there was someone sitting by her box. She never really noticed or paid attention to it. She didn’t want anyone to know it was her heart.
            Everyday he saw her walking by the park with her friends. They were always laughing and she was always smiling but there was no sparkle in her eyes.
            He had been there the day she had come running into the park, by herself, holding that box. The tears constantly rolled down her cheeks as she made her way. She finally fell to her knees in front of that bench, shoulders shaking from her sobs. He watched with a heavy heart as she opened the box and placed her heart inside it. It was since that day he had sat next to the metal box on the park bench, the quiet beating barely audible.
            One day, he pulled the box onto his lap and inserted a key into the lock. He turned it and heard a faint click as the jammed, partially closed lock fully opened. Setting it aside, he lifted the lid and looked in.
            Tears appeared at the edges of his eyes as he saw the full condition of the heart. It was in rough shape, covered by welts and bruises. Cracks marred the once smooth membrane and it was obvious that it was in desperate need of moisture. As his tears fell, the heart became softer. It was no longer dry, watered by his tears.
            It was at that moment that two feet appeared in front of him. He lifted his head to meet the girl’s slightly suspicious but vulnerable gaze.
            “May I take care of it?” he asked, gesturing to the heart in his lap.
            “Will you actually?” she replied, not trusting him.
            “I have been all along.” He returned her searching stare with one that radiated warmth and she slowly sat down next to him. Carefully, he set the box on her lap. “Why don’t you take it out?”
            The girl’s shoulders drooped slightly and hung her head before sitting up straight like she had forgotten she wasn’t allowed weakness and then was prodded back into resolute pain. “It’s safe there. Nothing can get in and hurt it.” She avoided eye contact, looking in the opposite direction.
            He smiled sadly and placed his hand gently over her small, cold one. She looked back, feeling the warmth envelop it.
            “Keeping your heart in this box only hurts it more. It won’t heal unless you take it out.”
            The girl tried to look away as she felt tears spring to her eyes but couldn’t. There was such warmth and kindness, true love, in his eyes.
            “Why isn’t it in there?” He pointed to her chest where it should have been.
            “It’s defective. It betrayed me.” Her voice cracked. “It isn’t to be trusted.” she whispered to no one in particular.
            “I can teach it. I can teach it to do the right things if you’ll let me.”

Steadfast

I will not say "Do not weep", for not all tears are an evil.
-Gandalf

And with that opening quote I will share with you a poem I wrote yesterday about an experience of mine. :)
It is to/about my daddy.


Steadfast

Steady heartbeat

Steady breath

My tears on your shirt

as I lean on your chest

I know you love me

and I love you

I feel safe

When I'm with you
 
-Melina Rose

Saturday, October 29, 2011

I know I'm broken but You alone can mend this heart of mine.

 
I call, You hear me 
I've lost it all 
And it's more than I can bear 
I feel so empty

You're strong, I'm weary 
I'm holding on 
But I feel like giving in 
But still You're with me

[chorus] 
And even though I'm walking 
Through the valley of the shadow 
I will hold tight to the hand of Him 
Whose love will comfort me 
And when all hope is gone 
And I've been wounded in the battle 
He is all the strength that I will ever need 
He will carry me

I know I'm broken 
But You alone 
Can mend this heart of mine 
You're always with me

[chorus] 
And even though I'm walking 
Through the valley of the shadow 
I will hold tight to the hand of Him 
Whose love will comfort me 
And when all hope is gone 
And I've been wounded in the battle 
He is all the strength that I will ever need 
He will carry me 
He will carry me

And even though I feel so lonely 
Like I have never been before 
You never said it would be easy 
But You said You'd see me through the storm

[chorus] 
And even though I'm walking 
Through the valley of the shadow 
I will hold tight to the hand of Him 
Whose love will comfort me 
And when all hope is gone 
And I've been wounded in my battle 
He is all the strength that I will ever need 
He will carry me 
He will carry me 
He will carry me


Saturday, June 25, 2011

When in the course of human events it becomes necessary...

Independence day is coming up soon and after church tonight, it has me thinking about fighting for what we believe in.

When we see something not right do we fight against it? Do we stand up for what we believe in? Do we try to encourage the ones who are struggling?

This world has many things wrong in it and younger people today don't even realize it. They have it taught to them at a young age what our culture expects from them and what is "normal".
I have been reading on this site where people write anonymous letters to their crushes and some are really heartbreaking. Some are beautiful. Some are twisted.
There was one entry that really caught my eye though and I'm going to put it here.

I feel like the whole world is pressuring me into having my first relationship and falling in love and having sex and yet I am not interested in anyone and no one is interested in me so here I sit feeling dull and inadequate all because love and sex is all anyone can talk about and I'm sick of it because I can't empathize with any of it and no one can empathize with me.

I have always found it rather obvious that our culture focuses on this. I mean, you turn on the tv and it isn't even the shows you have to watch out for. The commercials are filled with it. Those subtle voices screaming at you, "Buy this and be beautiful." "If you look this way people will love you." "You need this product for people to accept you." The message off so many of these commercials are "If no one is coming on to you then you are worthless."
It really breaks my heart to see girls just 15 years old saying things like "I've never kissed anyone. Something must be wrong with me." NO!
You are beautiful! You are precious! You are favored by the King and someone will always love you.

Don't let this world tell you differently.

With love to all of you beautiful people out there (YES! YOU!)

-Melina Rose

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Someday

Someday, in my made up future, I will wake up to the birds singing and the sunlight streaming through my window. Smiling, I will slip out from between my covers and stretch, fingers towards the ceiling, before walking into the kitchen. I will make myself a delicious, healthy, breakfast and eat it outside in the morning air. After putting the dishes away, getting dressed and pulling my hair back, I will go and sit down at my deep, black, grand piano and let all of my thoughts and feelings flow out of my fingertips until they echo in the air.
Maybe I will laugh, a smile on my face. Maybe I will cry, tears escaping with each note.
And after I'm done, and there is nothing left to be said, I will close that gorgeous piano back up. I will close the doors to the room where the emotions still hover thick in the air, and I will step into the breathtaking sunshine. Eyes closed, I will listen, waiting for your response.

-Melina Rose