Chasing a Dream

   In this country, we are all about freedom. I would pose a question to you though. What is freedom? We are told that we create ourselves, life is about finding ourselves and our happiness and in a sense this is true.

   True freedom can only come from one place, as much as we delude ourselves, even subconsciously, into believing otherwise.  I'm not saying that Christianity is all happiness and rainbows. What is an adventure without struggle? If you dream of something that you think will make you happy, don't you think that the creator of the world, the universe, can do better? Just as you would have to endure an 11 hour car ride to get somewhere different and exciting, we have to get through discomfort and changing surroundings to get to something new and better.

   John 8:36 
So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. (NIV)

2 Corinthians 3:17 
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. (NIV)

Galatians 5:1 
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. (NIV)

John 8:32 
Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. (NIV)

Stay free interwebz ^_^

Melina Rose

Unsent Tweets

This isn't high-school.
It's not about you.
Work ethic is a thing.
Let's be honest with each other instead of flip-flopping like a dying fish.
Don't read into everything I do.
Ask instead of assuming.

Don't be mad at me for not lying to you.
and for once...return the favor.

It's not me, it's you. Grow up.

Don't take this post personally interwebz. (refer to second sentence)
-Melina Rose

I know who I am without you

but it was a process.

"And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood"

I couldn't figure it out until I heard these lines. I couldn't understand why I even cared but it got me thinking. To those of you who move on quickly: Congrats. I'm glad you have the ability, really, but for those of us who let the veins of our heart reach out to root into another deeply, those now uprooted ends tickle the part of our subconscious that asks us if it ever was true, if it was abandoned so quickly. And behind every smile and laugh there is a distant nagging, poking and prodding of the part of our heart that is still sore from exercising that more rare strenuous love.

"And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you
This is what I have to do"

I'm not mad. I don't think I'm even hurt. These are simply things I've come to realize. The wound has healed but as with any injury, I guess it's still tender in spots. I had never put myself out that far, it's true and I haven't since. I'm not afraid of it; yet I am cautious. The whole thing introduced me to someone I wish I had met long ago. I met myself. There was only One who could ever bring myself and I together and this is just what it took. 

I found myself and I still am finding more pieces along this road. Only One knows how to keep me on the road and where it goes, and that, that is how it should be.

So there it is interwebz. There is a small peek into the inner parts of my heart.

Melina Rose

Lyrics by Missy Higgins [Where I Stood]

Because I didn't have a working pencil

So I went to a different church this morning and it was a refreshing change.
I also managed to bring a pencil that didn't work so this is everything I could keep in my brain to spill out to you.

   I knew that I had started slacking off in the back of my mind but the service really almost shoved it in my face. I know that doesn't sound nice and yeah, it wasn't all happy happy joy joy but it was what I needed.
   God always gives me what I need over what I want.
   I had heard and studied the topic of Jesus as our High Priest before so I wasn't expecting too much out of the sermon/word. That was wrong of me.
   I needed to be reminded exactly what Jesus did for me, that he knows my every thought, motivation and struggle and that He not only understands but He empathizes. Empathy is close to my heart and to hear that God empathizes with me over the things that hurt Him most really struck a chord.
   The pastor ended the word with a challenge. "What are you doing with the access you have to God?" He asked if you'd given up on things like pain that you had tried to forget or addictions that you felt defeated by. It was a quiet kind of powerful and I was reminded once again that it's not about me. That doesn't mean that God doesn't care about me. It means that I can't focus on my weaknesses because doing that means I'm focusing on myself and not the power of the King, what He did for me and what He continues to do.
I continue to struggle with the pain this life brings, the shame of the sin that I keep falling into and the fear of the future and I hadn't even completely realized it. Because of Christ, I don't have to struggle silently. I can bring anything to Him and do it with confidence and not fear because He loves me.


So I guess my challenge to you would be this.
Are you afraid to talk to God because you're too well aware of your shortcomings? Don't be. He longs to hear from you and work in your life. He loves you more than anyone else ever could and He'll never let you down, even if you don't understand what He's doing. Won't you show Him all your love too?


Maybe I'll get back to writing here interwebz

-Melina Rose

Changes

So, I realized that I have not told you quite a bit about anything in my life so here are some big things that have happened!

-I did a year internship with my church that ended this past May. It was intense and I have learned a lot about God, others, our church and myself. A lot of growth was spurred on by it and I know I am not the same person I was before.

-I had a boyfriend of sorts and now I don't.

-I have a new job! I have finally become employed as a barista and it brings me great joy.

-Hi...

750 words plus a bit more.

   I know I haven't posted anything here for almost a year or so but I have still been writing. Bits and pieces, here and there but still it has been happening. I was introduced to a website called 750 words. It's where you sit and write anything you want to, no one can see it, and you attempt 750 words a day. [Click here if you want ] It doesn't have to make sense. You can rant or rave; anything you want. It feels lovely. It's not just that though, it also tells you your words per minute, the mood of your writing, most used words, introversion versus extroversion and a lot more. Anyway, I thought I would share what I wrote this evening.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Work always rejuvenates me. I'm not even sure I can explain it.
    I'm home now; finished my shift from 3 to 9 and got off just as the sun was setting. It was beautiful. The pinks and purples were really visible as I was driving home and I was thankful that it's not storming tonight.
    I'm sitting on our porch in the lovely night air now. The three candles that aren't meant to get rid of bugs are on the outskirts of the deck and I have the one that is meant to get rid of insects closer to me. Crickets are chirping. Cars are driving by and all is peaceful in my land of dancing flame and tapping keys. Fireflies are out and if I look up the stars peek out from behind a patchy cloud cover. How wonderful it is to be outdoors.
    I've already drank my tea and slathered my legs with the coconut oil that makes my itchy red hives lessen their affect on my senses.
    Grandma just popped her head out and has left a beam of light on the wood where the curtain no longer covers the sliding glass doors. She informed me that she found the information she was looking for on Antrhopology and jobs associated with it. I'm trying to decide what to do with my life.
    Travel really catches my eye these days. I want to go everywhere. Venice, Japan, England, Scotland, South Korea, they all sound marvelous.
    I fear the light from inside may be attracting bugs. I'll be right back.
    I got more tea. I've reused this teabag three times but it still seems to be good. I don't think I had ever really looked up anthropology before. It might be interesting. I added some peppermind to my coconut oil slather. I've heard that bugs don't like peppermint. I see lighting in the sky. I hope it doesn't start to rain. I'm quite enjoying my time out here.
    I caught up with Grandma more. I felt I should make it really clear that I wasn't mad at her and I felt bad for how I've been while she's been here. You see, I've been positively exhausted and I haven't had any time to relax. This causes me to be practically silent and not very friendly. Headaches, muscle pains, fatigue and nausea all don't contribute to a good hostess. I'm glad that I was able to have the time with her tonight while I'm feeling well though.
    I bought a song on itunes today. I almost never buy music but this one has been stuck in my head for a long time. It's called Radioactive but it's actually a cover of it by an accapella group and a wonderful violinist. Quite epic in the end. I blasted it on my way home from work and sung my lungs out like a happy lunatic.
    Hmm. I feel the bugs have come out even more. I wonder if I should pack up and move to my room. It's just so lovely outside and I've stayed indoors most of the other lovely days this past week!
    I was going to work on my new story but I keep getting distracted. It's not too late, no. I wanted to write here and describe my evening. I don't write about myself much lately. I suppose that's good in a way.
    Do you think I'll become a successful writer? I mean, I am a writer but will I ever be published do you think? I wish the arts and creative things were more treasured in society. What if everyone had to have an art degree of sorts to have a succesful job? Business degrees don't seem to have an ounce of creativity built in. I don't think I could do it. Four years of technical writing, math and economics? No, I can't say I could do it. I wish the arts paid.
    I dream of a world where people were looked up to for expressing their true selves and exploring the world we live in to find more of it. There is so much to learn and so much to communicate. Why do creative people get written off while the mathematicians and scientists are labeled geniuses?
    Ah well, this is the world I live in. ' Better get used to it right?

HOURS WORKED: 6
SONG OF THE DAY: Radioactive
MEALS EATEN: One and a half or so
CUPS OF TEA: 3
MOOD: Satisfied

There it is interwebz,
Melina Rose