Wednesday, September 25, 2013

I know who I am without you

but it was a process.

"And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood"

I couldn't figure it out until I heard these lines. I couldn't understand why I even cared but it got me thinking. To those of you who move on quickly: Congrats. I'm glad you have the ability, really, but for those of us who let the veins of our heart reach out to root into another deeply, those now uprooted ends tickle the part of our subconscious that asks us if it ever was true, if it was abandoned so quickly. And behind every smile and laugh there is a distant nagging, poking and prodding of the part of our heart that is still sore from exercising that more rare strenuous love.

"And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you
This is what I have to do"

I'm not mad. I don't think I'm even hurt. These are simply things I've come to realize. The wound has healed but as with any injury, I guess it's still tender in spots. I had never put myself out that far, it's true and I haven't since. I'm not afraid of it; yet I am cautious. The whole thing introduced me to someone I wish I had met long ago. I met myself. There was only One who could ever bring myself and I together and this is just what it took. 
I found myself and I still am finding more pieces along this road. Only One knows how to keep me on the road and where it goes, and that, that is how it should be.

So there it is interwebz. There is a small peek into the inner parts of my heart.

Melina Rose

Lyrics by Missy Higgins [Where I Stood]